Thursday, March 5, 2009

Crispus Attucks Week: No Mouthing Off To Cops



My boy Dave is Jewish. He's married to one of our friends who is Black. Dave is so effin' cool that sometimes I forget he's not Black, so much so that sometimes I let fly the n word in his presence, which I really hate to do around white. Dave's not rich rich but he's got immediate access to a couple'a hundred thousand dollar stacks on account of him being a trust fund baby. Dave also had some issues with the law years ago on account of him always loving Black chicks. Even though he grew up in a mansion like home in Rhode Island, he always hung out in the projects chasing hood rat chicks. Eventually he started doing ghetto ass project like things which eventually landed him a brief stint in jail. Dave's real cool now though, great career, big ass house, three kids. He even has his mug shot picture framed in his living room on some look how cool and bad ass I was back in the day. I'll admit, that shit actually does look cool.

So last year, while driving my wife's car, we were stopped by cops. Apparently, I had a busted head light. The cop was nice enough to let me off with a warning. Problem was, Dave still hates cops, but not like how Blacks hate cops. See, Blacks hate cops because they know one wrong move and cops will have their ass laid the eff out. Dave hates cops in that, since he's a taxpaying citizen, he views them as his employees, and like boss to employee, feels like he can reprimand them at will. Anyways, Dave gets real pissed off at the cop cause he feels like the cop is wasting his time and ours and starts going the eff off on him with a bunch of "Fuckoutta here's", "our effin taxes at work" and "Go find the real criminals". Being that I'm at the wheel and also happen to be Black, my shit is sitting upright and still like a mannequin. I'm too old to get dragged out into the middle of the street and whupped on by night club wielding cops eager to put a knicca in check. Just like a Dave Chappelle skit, Dave goes off on the cops for like 5 minutes and eventually the cop says "have a nice evening sir" and bounces. Afterwards, after I get over my amazement at the cop's reaction and my anger at how I felt Dave's actions could have led into me getting stretched out, I cuss him out and warn his ass to never ever do that shit again whenever I'm in his presence.

I thought all Black knew this cardinal rule, but apparently, the Black chick in the clip above must've had a momentary lapse of judgment. That, or the cocaine she was sniffin' on earlier must've been hella raw. Regardless, the cops react accordingly leaving her ass all sorry whimpering, mumbly and laid out on the ground, sloppy thong showing and all.

Being that today is the actually date when the homie Crispus caught a bad one, in commemoration of CA Week, act like you know when in the presence of po po.

10 comments:

  1. Combat Jack you are right all blacks should know not to talk reckless to any cop. I dont care if you are oprah winfrey you can catch a beat down because he may be jealous of your money anyway.

    I saw this entire episode before and she beat her husband up. He is a light skinned black dude and he got his ass kicked by her. His face looked like rihannas face in that tmx picture. Ill admit the first time I saw this I liked the thong shot because most of the women I date are BBW.

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  2. real life people use the term "bbw"?

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  3. Are you sure you don't want to do "Crispus Attucks Month'? You are on a roll.

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  4. I can talk about this shit all day. I've been threatened by the NYPD, Nasaau County PD, beaten by Philly cops, etc. Simple and plain... I'm a 6'8" 365 lb Negroe who can throw your average and not so average human being around at will. This is the C.A. Rule that I keep with me every day. To put in perspective I got 4 inches [||] and 100 pounds on Rodney King and you saw what happened to his ass. As a former footballer I will not deny my penchant for playing in the snow (No Gooden Puddin') and when I'm out with a sweet glory I have to give her the debriefing of all interactions with the cops. No mouthing off and the weed is yours if they ask.

    This could be a whole month...

    But if it is to end I hope that Barack Obama does not become the ultimate Attacks...

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  5. @dronkmunk I second a whole month of this!

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  6. HAHAAHAHA once again going in. I got inspired and had to do a drop on my site, keep Crispus Alive.

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  7. Can we add "deep-sea fishing" to the list of "white people things that black folks shouldn't take part in"? RIP to Marquis Cooper and Corey Smith. Congrats to survivor Nick Schuyler.

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  8. Nordy, I think the homie Dallas Penn already covered deep sea fishing for CA week. Peep: http://dallaspenn.com/weblog/?p=3246

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  9. One of my boys nearly caught a DUI because of our white friends jumping up out his lane - I had to talk our way out of it. Cops + white = dangerous

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