Combat Jack With Today's Mathematics

Whaddup B? Our good homie Dallas was the first person to ever put me on to you a coupla years ago. I checked your performance at Fort Greene Park two summers ago. I even brought my kids with me. No lie, you killed it homie! I've been following your work ever since. I truly dug your album "The Brick: Bodega Chronicles" as well. Very solid work for a first album. Me being a Brooklyn dude for life, and having had the opportunity to have worked with some of the best that BK has had to offer (Jay-Z, The Notorious B.I.G.), I can honestly say with utmost sincerity that you rep our borough well. A salute and props on that.

























On top of that, whose effin with Slaughterhouse? Nigga, a four man crew consisting of solid emcees is dangerous and I'm grateful to you, Joe Buddens, Crooked I and Royce The 5'9" for that. There hasn't been a crew bringing it like ya'll in like... forever. That "Move On" joint is on instant classic status. Thanks for that as well. Slaughterhouse is THE rap super group and I will be checking for ya'll like a fiend.


















Plus, I just now downloaded your latest mixtape, "Joell Ortiz Covers The Classics (Hosted By DJ Green Lantern)" via Miss Info. I haven't had a chance yet to listen to it in it's entirety, but judging from your previous body of work as well as the buzz it's getting, I'm sure I won't be disappointed. Plus, you get props just on the artwork alone. I'm remain very impressed.

I just now read your comment you wrote in connection with my Eminem "Relapse" review. I'm glad that you read the Daily Mathematics. I do have to say that I'm surprised at your reaction though. Disappointed as well. Especially this part:

"maybe if your gettin 2 grown and have 4 kids a wife and a friend in the hospital maybe you shouldnt listen to rap anymore and pick up a Celine dion cd or some shit because u obviously have lost touch with rap good rap music 2/5? for real what did u give lil wayne? Stop being a hater Combat WACK"

For real B? I'm a hater now? I shouldn't listen to rap anymore? Plus I'm whack? All behind my review? Cool. I'ma let that fly on the strength of my respect for you and our peoples. But. Let me be clear, there's no hate or whack here potna. I ain't a new jack either. If Eminem isn't in my top 10 list, he's at least in my top 20. Dude in his prime would murder almost anyone, bar none. But you know this. On top of that, Dr. Dre remains my favorite hip hop producer of all time. And that stands even though he hasn't dropped anything recently that matches his past classics.

When "Relapse" landed in my hands, please believe that I "ripped" the packaging off, eager to listen to that "heat" that I expected from Em and Dre's reunion. I went in with full concentration my dude. What I heard though, was very much sounding like a poor version of Em's classic "The Marshall Mathers LP" or "The Slim Shady LP". Now a poor sounding version of "The Marshall Mathers LP" could might of been hot in 2000, but it's 2009! Ain't no one checking for that shit today. Unless they are part of that die hard crew of Eminem Stans. Maybe it's just that I expected too much from Em and Dre and "Relapse", in my opinion, proved to be a major let down. What's really funny though is that, in your comment, you claim that you're not a huge Eminem fan. However, most (if not all) of the shots fired my way in connection with my review came from certified Stans. So I'm asking you Mr. Ortiz, are you a closet Eminem Stan?

What I'd like to do, Joell, and with your permission of course, is to challenge you as to the merits of your claims in calling me a hater. And whack. And a new jack. When you have the chance, please go through my entire body of work as the blogger known as Combat Jack. If you can present to me and the readers a clear and systemic pattern of hate seeping through my words, then I will fall back and accept that I am a hater. And that I'm whack. And that I'm a new jack. And I don't need to be listening to rap no more. See, I'm giving you a fair chance for you to prove your words right and me wrong. Back them shits up my dude. Now, you don't necessarily have to accept this challenge, shit we all have more important shit to do. But if you can entertain me (and the blogosphere) just a bit, the challenge is officially placed and firmly on the table. I'll even up the ante and say here and now, that if you do accept this challenge and are able to clearly prove to me and the world all that you claim, that I'm a hater, that I'm whack and that I need to retire from rap, I will officially retire from Hip Hop, Rap and blogging. Word Bond (no 50 Cent). In the event though, that you are unable to back up the validity of your words, then I wager that you officially record a record proudly declaring yourself as one of Eminem's biggest Stans ever. And that you personally record a Combat Jack fan record. I really need my own theme song right about now and it would be a great honor if you were the one that recorded it. You game?

The ball is in your court now. Please feel free in proving me as being a hater and as whack. Simple as that. And please understand that this is no shots fired. I wouldn't do that, especially since you're that nice of an emcee from the mighty borough of BK capable of easily destroying me in one verse. Just a friendly gentleman's challenge. What's it going to be sir? Until then, I'm claiming you as "Joell Ortiz, The Official Em Stan".

And as per your request for me to "pick up a Celine Dion cd or some shit", heh. That won't happen, only because I'll be too busy banging "Joell Ortiz Covers The Classics". "Crime Pays" too.

Get at me Joell. I'm waiting.

UPDATE: Joell's people got at my people (Dallas) and was like "WTF is CJ doing going at Joell Ortiz?!?" They clarified that they ain't that type of blog cats to be leaving no disrespectful comments on blogger's comment sections. I respect that. I respect them too. I take back everything I said. Joell, that mixtape is a gem too potna. I needed that. Still looking forward to that Slaughterhouse joint. Respect.

Fuck though. I'm thinking that I really need a theme song now.

UPDATE #2: Last I checked, Eminem's "Relapse" still sucked.

It's been five years since Eminem dropped his last lp "Encore", which was at most... meh. His most recent venture "Relapse" found it's way into my ipod today. Here's my review:

"Dr. West (Intro)" - Great intro. Scenario is of Marshall getting "great" advice upon his rehab release from his therapist. Sets up the next song lovely.

"3am" - The sequencing between the last track and this is perfect. I like this here better after I watched the video. Did Dre produce this? Only because I'm not mad at the production. At all. Plus, I'm digging the "Silence of the Lambs" reference. The horns, the keys, that dramatic foreboding tone is all there. Classic Em and Dre (?).

"My Mom" - Nigga, you ain't resolve any of those effin' issues with your moms yet? Em shares with us how effd up his childhood was and how he claims his moms introduced Valium and all other types of shit to him through his food. Marshall, for real, work that shit out or kill her already. This topic is as tired as it is listening to 40 year Jay still rapping about moving weight. Don't get me wrong, the song is somewhat decent, it's just we've been there and done done that already. No typo. Several times. I am firmly convinced that I don't ever wanna hear another song about Eminem's mom ever ever ever again.

"Insane" - Whoah!!! Em's rapping about how he was forced to suck on his uncle when he was a lil' kid? TMI!!! Anyways, this gem is laced with a tired ass sounding Dr. Dre(?) track. On the 2nd and 3rd verses, Em 's flow suddenly sounds like he's B-Real of Cyprus Hills fame. Meh.

"Bagpipes From Baghdad" - This is dope. If it were 1999 again. For 2009, not so much. Oh, he's dissing Mariah again? Why? Plus some shots at Nick Cannon. Dayum. Production sounds like an old Dr. Dre track. But not in a good way. Ah man. I don't think I'm liking where this album is going.

"Hello" - A really meh song trying really really hard to be a meh strip club banger. It succeeds in doing so.

"Tonya" - Another meh song about Em as a serial killer stalking Tanya, Lindsay and Britney. Poor them. Poor me too. There is absolutely zero amount of connect going on between this song and me.

"We Made You" -... fast forward to the next song. And quick!

"Medicine Ball" - Pretty good song, disgusting visuals though. And not that good to steer this cd from the train wreck that I'm foreseeing in the near future. Oh yeah, he fires some more shots at Christopher Reeves, whose been dead for years. What's the point?

"Paul (skit)" - Yet another skit with Em's manager Paul Rosenberg complaining about Em's choice of content and subject matter. He's also telling Em that Christopher Reeves has been dead for years. I'm wondering was he also complaining to Em about how shitty this album is sounding.

"Stay Wide Awake" - Great, another song about murder, and with buzzaws. ZZZZZZZZZ and meh.

"Old Times Sake feat. Dr. Dre" Uhm......................................

You know what? I'm a grown ass man with four kids, a mortgage, a beautiful wife who is wishing I spent less time on the keyboards, a close family member whose facing a potential life threatening disease and all other types of real life issues to deal with. FUCKOUTTA HERE! I'm not going through with the rest of this effin album. Not without getting paid. FUCK THAT. I have better shit to get into, and I deserve way better than this. And so do you. Stay away from this bitch!

On the strength of what I've heard and as extra credit for Eminem successfully undergoing a successful rehab, "Relapse" gets a 2 salutes out of 5 Combat Jack salutes.









FUCKOUTTA HERE!