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I figured I would take my 11 and 12 year old sons with me to see the new Sam Raimi flick "Drag Me To Hell", especially since it's rated PG-13. Having basically grown up with the Spiderman franchise and blowing their minds by having them view "Dark Man" earlier this year, they were psyched to see another Raimi production. I also groomed them over the years to have at least a sense of respect for the horror genre. Some nights, as I'd pop "Night Of The Living Dead" or "Halloween" in the dvd player, I'd beam as a proud father as I watched them from afar with their little faces frozen in fear as they took in some of my favorite scary movies from years past. Still, as we walked into the theatre, I could see some nervous glances coming from them, uncertain as to whether they would survive the hell they were about to witness. The result as the credits scrolled up the screen? We had an effin blast!

Revered as a true master of horror after he dropped "Evil Dead", "Evil Dead 2" and "Army Of Darkness", fans have been eagerly awaiting Raimi's return to scary movies, especially since he blew up and became known to the masses as a bankable blockbuster director. From the opening scene, Raimi lets you know exactly what you're in for. Simple, brutal, blunt, loud and to the point, you know that beyond the confines of the safe little "real" world we live in, there are evil scary things laying right beyond the edges of reality, demons waiting patiently for any of us simple mere mortals to fuck up, eff around with the wrong ancient artifact or the wrong person to unleash or catch a curse giving them a pass to enter our world, long enough for them to exact all types of hellish fuckery and what not on that unsuspecting ass. Catch the right curse, best believe those devilish bastards will be taking your twisted ass back home with them, leaving your torterd soul to squirm in fiery damnation as you eternally burn in hell.

You've seen the commercials and the trailers, you know whats next. How the cute Blonde bank loan officer Christine Brown (played by Alison Lohman) decides to play heartless as she denies the elderly gypsy woman Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver) an extension on her delinquent mortgage payments which will result in the bank seizing Ganush's home and leaving her homeless. How Mrs. Ganush curses Lohman with a special express one way ticket to Hell. How Lohman catches it every which way as supernatural forces torment the remaining moments of her life, how she desperately enlists the support of her boyfriend Clay Dalton (Justin Long), fortune teller Rahm Jas (Dileep Rao) and trusty exorcist in waiting Shaun San Dena (Adriana Barraza) to help her out of this jacked up predicament. Believe me, I can't give anything away about this piece, not because I don't want to but because there's nothing more to it than what you already know. No twists and turns, no "I didn't know it was him that did that" kind of moments, no surprise endings. None of that. Written by Raimi and his older brother Ivan, "Drag Me To Hell" is one of the simplest movies, plot-wise that you will see in a very long time. And that friends, is a very very good thing.















Raimi didn't need anything to stand in his way as he created this masterpiece. Not even an R rating. I admit I was disappointed when I initially learned of the movie's pre-teen friendly rating but since 1981 when his first movie "Evil Dead" changed the game, Sam Raimi never let me, let us, the movie goers down. I knew for sure, with his return to horror, that "Drag Me To Hell" was going to be entertaining. And that is exactly what this movie is, pure unadulterated entertainment. No over the top blood and gore, even though the movie goes over the top and will gross you the eff out, especially since Raimi goes all juvenile and sophmore-ish with the gross out scenes, filled with so much wet nasty shit that you'd never want to witness and experience in real life. No over doing it with trying to scare you shitless, even though I jumped more than a couple of times as things went bump in the dark, in the night, and even during some very bright sun-light filled shots. Yes, you will be jumping, and jumpy through the entire movie as Rami lets loose with the frights and the chills. I was also concerned about some of the special effects and cgi scenes that were featured in the trailers and commercials. I hate movies that rely too much on obvious cgi special effects, maybe because the outcome always comes off looking way too fake for my liking. Raimi applied just the right amount of cgi, even where it looked like it might be too much, too fake even, but it all made sense, maybe because what was transpiring on screen was so god damned way out that the cgi made it all make sense, brought it back to Earth. You'll understand when you see this.

What I didn't expect when I copped the tickets was how funny this movie was going to be. This movie is straight certified comedy, people in every aisle laughing loudly and almost throughout the entire movie comedy, EVEN as we jumped and screamed and ducked from the thrills and scares. And not funny in a sadistic "damned she got eff'd up" way. Or that nervous laughter to let up on the horror intake. I'm talking purposefully funny, in how the characters react to situations, the things they say, even as they say them with straight faces, and yes, even the way she and they get physically assaulted. I haven't laughed this hard at the movies since last summer when I peeped "Pineapple Express". I remember when I first saw "American Werewolf In London" and being blown away at how John Landis was able to deliver the perfect combination of comedy and horror. At the time, I thought that movie would forever be the best of that combo. No more. "Drag Me To Hell" snatches the title for "funniest horror movie" as it compromises nothing in it's delivery.

As the final credits rolled, with me, my boys and the rest of the audience clapping, still laughing, still marveling at the horror we just witnessed, still taking in all the understated over the top moments and regaining our senses as we prepped to re-enter the real world, when lights came back on, I realized that what we all shared as a collective audience after this short and sweet gem was over (99 minutes in length) was nothing but sheer fun. Without shitting on the seriousness of the genre while at the same time, not taking said genre nor himself too seriously, Raimi once again demonstrates why he's a master of his game. I might have felt a bit guilty as I tortured my boys when they watched "Halloween", might have crossed the line even when they sat through "Nightmare On Elm Street", but none of that guilt, that 2nd guessing myself took place here. This movie should fall under the category as being a funny entertaining piece that incidentally happens to be a horror flick. Without going too far, I'd venture to say that this movie provides full "wholesome" entertainment for the entire family, kinda in that roller coaster amusement park kinda way. I urge you all to run see this. Bring the entire fam (get a sitter for kids under 11), make this that first date joint, take your moms even. Even those that hate scary pictures, please see this and trust that you haven't been entertained like this in a long time.

Back in 1981, when he was an unknown independent director unshackled by the constraints of Hollywood and its suits, then 22 year old Raimi went buck wild and held nothing back as he and his brother Ivan had fun shooting "Evil Dead" on a shoe string budget. Watching "Drag Me To Hell", it's so obvious he had just as much fun making this, like he was 22 again, only with a bigger budget. "Drag Me To Hell" will definitely make you feel like a kid again. And in a very good way.

Not that you might care, but I'm a big film buff. Love the movies. All types of movies. My favorite though, is horror. When I was five years old, me and my older cousins were left alone, unsupervised by adults, on a cold wintry Saturday night. As my oldest cousin went to sleep, I stayed awake, twisting the old school knob dial changer until I hit the station featuring the "Creature Feature" movie of the week "Night Of The Living Dead". Once the movie started, I was too shook to change to a kindler gentler show. My shit was frightened to the effin core at what took place on the screen. That George Romero black and white zombie masterpiece fucked my head up permanently. What I realized though, was that no matter how horrified I was, there was a certain high, a rush that came with the scares. It was the beginning of my true, never dying love affair with horror films, and I've been trying to recapture my first high ever since. It wasn't cool that the Black dude that played hero died though, still, at least he survived and made it to the end of the movie.























I stay fiending for the perfect horror flick, not the blood fest type ones that focus more on the mad gore and chocolate syrup splattering. Not the stupid ones either, like the ones with the dumb white chicks running, stumbling TOWARDS their attackers or the recent joints of late with a cast of "beautiful" Blonde kids camping out on some deserted, haunted hotel, beach, resort, camp house by the pool with the lake and the hitchhikers and killers with the Scream type masks. Them joints are an insult. Plus, the one Black kid always gets it first.

I'm talking about the joint that, once you watch, once you let the horror that unfolds seep into your psyche, you know for a fact that you'll carry a bit of that horror with you for a long effin time, maybe to the grave even. You know what I'm talking about, "The Exorcist", the first "Halloween", that old school HBO joint "The Hitcher", shit even the original "Psycho". There have been a few classics. Eff'd up thing for horror fiends like myself is that the GREAT horror flicks are mad rare, and sometimes it takes years to catch one worthy of ending up in the DVD blu-ray collection. Last joint I saw that was even semi collector worthy was "The Ring" released back in 2002. No doubt the Asian J or K horror ones stayed mad hot for a while, up until they starting running the same formula into the ground, every one of them having the mandatory dead, cursed, eff'd up looking Japanese girl with the long wet hair hunting that ass down. That shit got played out quick.

Sam Raimi remains one of my favorite movie directors to date. Dude started out back in 1981 with the low budget flick "The Evil Dead". In a nutshell, The Evil Dead was about five college students who came across a haunted book in the woods and inadvertently unleashed all types of fuckery upon themselves. Although low budget, Raimi was able to combine the perfect elements of horror and comedy resulting in the movie becoming a cult horror classic. Raimi followed with two sequels to complete the trilogy, "The Evil Dead II" (1987) which went head to head with it's predecessor in becoming another classic, especially since it wasn't as much a sequel as it was a revamping of the first one with a bigger budget and "Army Of Darkness" (1993) which was wackier than the first two and played out more like a slapstick, horror adventure piece. By the time Raimi completed his "Evil" trilogy however, he was deemed by many to be a master of the genre.























Having locked down the horror game, Raimi decided he would try his hand at full blown action adventure. The result was the 1990 classic "Darkman". "Darkman" jumped out of nowhere and became that instant suburban mall and ghetto banger with Liam Neesom playing the disfigured hero type maniac who wrecked shop in his quest for revenge against the gangsters that made his life a living hell. "Darkman" was so on point in that it played like the perfect comic book movie, even though it wasn't based on any actual comic book characters. With one shot, Raimi proved that he was also on top of his game with the action/adventure genre.


















Not one to rest on his laurels with horror and action in his pocket, Raimi's next joint was a flick that further stretched the master storyteller's horizons with the western "The Quick And The Dead" starring Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman, Russell Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio. In it, Stone played a female gunslinger focused on revenge against Gene Hackman who played the nasty bad man who had wronged her. Although the movie played out like a typical spaghetti western, Raimi won in that he infused the flick with his own quirky, fast paced style. "The Quick And The Dead" satisfied many movie goers who wanted a little western flavor added to their movie going experience.





















Raimi churned out two more notable movies, "A Simple Plan" (1998) which was a crime, drama thriller that had a Coen brothers feel and "The Gift" (2000) which was a quiet but well crafted return to his horror roots. After proving, time after time, that he was that go to guy to the Hollywood shot callers, Raimi beat out a host of block buster film makers in landing the holy grail of comic book movies "Spider-Man"(2002). "Spider-Man" was the movie Marvel comics had been trying to make for over 20 years. After the success of "X-Men" (2000) and with Hollywood turning it's eye to comic books as the next cash cow, Raimi was tapped to step to the plate and once on board, he delivered a home run. "Spider-Man 2" (2004) proved to be better than the first and became arguably, one of the best in the comic book movie genre. "Spider-Man 3" wasn't the critically acclaimed piece that the first two were, mainly because now that Raimi proved he was that blockbuster director, the studio allegedly applied mad pressure in having him throw everything and the kitchen sink into the movie in order to guarantee another successful hit. Fans complained about S3 having too many villains, plus that whole cornball black suited emo Spider-Man thingie, nonetheless S3 went on to become a major commercial success.

















I go into Sam Raimi's filmography because, as I mentioned above, I am a true fan of this man's craft. I also go in because during the past few years, fans have been begging Raimi to return to his true original love, the horror movie. In addition, Sam has been complaining of late about how he has been aching to return to his roots in order to bless horror fans the world over with a much needed classic, the type shit that might could make one soil their draws. On May 29th, Sam Raimi will be bringing us "Drag Me To Hell". "Drag Me To Hell" is about a young female bank loan officer ambitious in moving up in her career. Feeling she has to prove her gully to her superiors, she shits on an old gypsy woman who practically begs her to be more lenient in extending a grace period in order for the gypsy to avoid foreclosure on her home. Once shitted on, the gypsy woman brings it, in spades. "Drag Me To Hell" was screened at this years South By South West film festival and was met with critical acclaim across the board. I've even been warned to bring an extra pair of clean draws upon my first viewing. The trailer looks like mad shits and giggles. No question, I am psyched. I'm hoping that my fellow horror fans are equally as psyched. May 29th is now looking so effin far way.

So I'm asking, what's yer favorite horror flick?